your messages— •°°•.☆

Now...I finally get to know xxx's feeling before.

I'm glad xxx had moved on eventually... truly...

I could not accept xxx since I don't have special feeling towards xxx.

But I wanna say,

"Sorry for the effort & time you'd spent and wasted.
But...Thank you very much...
for your care and concern...among those days...
umm....not just days...but years?
You really are a jerk
who didn't have 'give up' this word in your dictionary!
No matter how many times I pushed you away and turn you down... "

How many persons had misunderstood our relation?

Sorry for hurting xxx but it's all passed already.

Now...it's my turn...to feel those kinda feelings towards other...

So, this is how it feels?







Hey guys...

Have you ever anticipated for someone's message on phone...

that you are so excited when the phone rings...

but too bad the message you receive isn't the one you're waiting for?

End up disappointed? Haha...that's sorta funny thing...I think...

I laugh at myself...saying how ridiculous my emotion is...

Frankly, I never expect I'll experience such kinda feeling until recently... x_x






"When you asked why,
I made a joke
because I thought
the answer was obvious.
Spending time with you
just feels…right, somehow.
Easy, like the way it’s supposed to be."

Jan 2011

My mom said luckily her daughter is strong enough to carry almost 20 kg goods along the flight back to hometown. OMG...haha....I have so much strength.

While jogging with Bobby, I suddenly felt so lucky that I have healthy legs, which allow me to walk side by side/ shoulder to shoulder with the others or even run freely without much worries and burden like having others to pull my wheel chair. Suddenly, I felt like my existence is worthwhile. I feel lucky to have healthy limbs that I at least have some usefulness. I can lend other my hands, I can walk by myself, I can do anything I want just if I believe in myself.

I can't deny, I ever doubt whether I'm the true daughter at home, living such life doubtfully for about 10 years but I never reveal such feeling to anyone, but only the sky. Until recently, my mom mentioned a thing to me and finally make me certain that, I'm truly a daughter of hers. I hold my tears though I almost cried to hear those stories of hers. How tough she was to give birth to me. How much trouble I brought to her to have me born alive. You know why? Everyone was saying how I don't look alike with anyone whom has kinship with me, not just my siblings and parents, but relatives also. Imagine how those words go to your ears most of the time. Then my mom would even answer, "maybe I get the wrong one, there's a bumiputera giving birth near by me, the doctor have mistaken and gave me hers perhaps." They always said I looked like 'LAKIA'. That calling has suffered me for quite a long time. It hurts. I always pray to the sky, even if really in that case like what my mom mentioned, please allow my skin to become fairer, please give me strength, grant me magic. Haha...I know I was innocent. =P
Till now, I gain courage when I look into the sky. :) I think I've fallen in love with the sky.

First weekend after school re-open

14th January 2011

It's quite fun to hang out with my friends around the city, we spent almost 8 hours to walk around everywhere nearby. I bought a Domo-kun phone seat back, whee~ I told myself I must bring domo back since I first saw you, ngahaha, you're too adorable... xP

Another first time here~! I had been to the temple near by the dock for few times, but I never climb to the highest floor. We borrowed the key from the authority there to climb to the highest place. It has a big bell there, we can strike it and the sound produced indicates it may bring peace & good luck, perhaps... if not mistaken...hehe...actually I dunno whether or not we're allowed to do so. xP

Walking around, we found durian seller, the smell was so strong, hehe....it's been quite a while for the durian session, though I don't eat durian, but it gives me some strange feeling which I can't explain, not hating it either but like it, why? Hehe...reminiscent of warmth moment?

We shop around, bought some shirts and necklace as well. Compare to our hometown, the things sold here is a bit cheaper. We discovered some cool outfit, cicada, pigeon, and many more.

Teehee...we simply walk around as many places as we can, since we would like to spare our whole day outside. It's truly fun though tiring. On the way of our journey or adventure (?? xD), we met quite a number of schoolmates. Haha...maybe the town is too small and it's the only place youngsters may hang out at.


After that, I rush to attend my relative's birthday dinner. Stay overnight at their place.



15th January 2011

Spent my whole days with my cousin, she worries about my stomach almost every single minute. Asking me to eat this and that... = = After staying at her place, I always have to try really hard to lose the weight I gained. I saw her killing chicken, yer...but I still dare to eat after witnessing the cruel scene. Perhaps I've almost get used to such things. Before, I wasn't dare to eat meat the whole day after seeing some bloody scene, though not killing a chicken or whatever, but something like my kittens had part of their body being eaten by their own mom. It was truly cruel and hellish. I also witnessed quite a number of my pets being crashed by car.

I didn't know, today is my another cousin's birthday. So, I attend another dinner again. Huhu...since I stay here, I've attend several dinners. Maybe it's the custom of Foochow? I'm not very getting used to such situation though.

Played with my nieces, they're cute...though i hate kids... hahaha....hang out with them for a while, causing me headache, because of a hyperactive niece of mine. x_x Some more he doesn't allow us to control his move by pushing our hand away when we try to hold his hand.

Then I returned hostel. Mr. cockroach is sure starving since I've abandoned him for two days without feeding him. Tonight, he's eating the biscuit I give him, wah~ The first time I see cockroach eating. So it's like this huh? Just like grasshopper. =x Well, we always found and collect grasshoppers from the bushes then rear them inside a bottle during childhood days. xP
Or even cook or burn ants? xD Haha...the curious us, it's damn memorable.



Ok...Sooner or later will update again. ;)